long time no see
soo.. uhhh.. did u read the title?
just like its been a few months since ive written in my physical diary (i meant to this weekend but boy has fasting & school zapped the mental energy out of me) its been MORE than a few months since i made a post here. try a whole year..
honestly, id host this blog on nekoweb but a. too complicated? and b. i wanna support more independent sites rather than less.. independent sites. does that make sense?
honestly ive been doing not so good this ramadan. i wish i was able to read more Quran but if that was the case i wouldve done so... my lower self (nafs) is really kicking my butt.
i also kind of want to link to my site/this blog on a lot of different sites but id rather not have people in real life know about this? its kind of for me on the internet. which contradicts alot of what ive clung to a la cj the x's video "Bo Burnham Vs Jeff Bezos" (good video that everyone should watch atleast once in their life) but man. its ok. i think.
i guess its hard not to despair and be apathetic when you look at the news these days and all you see is.. well, you know. it made me change the text i had written on the blogs home page because it seemed in poor taste the more i looked at it.
how have i been coping? i doomscrolled and then binge read an incredibly cheesy 10 year old wattpad book. yes, wattpad. back to my #roots. oh to be 13 and awake at 2am reading a miraculous ladybug fic in bed again...
i was telling my classmates that when i was their age (see: 2 years younger) i pulled a bunch of all nighters. now if i sleep for less than 7 hours im fighting to stay awake in class. even if i get more than 8! i think i just have alot of sleep debt to be honest.
i also have to work on not being apathetic at the state of the world (bad!!) and instead use that to fuel me to do activism!!!! easier said than done though. it feels like ive been hearing about stuff like this since literally my whole life, but then again, im not alone in saying that, am i? not even in this generation.
on that very rambly note, im gonna go to sleep for realzies now. i guess im getting 6-7 (lol) hours again tonight. & sorry for the semi-downer. alhamdulilah for everything, i guess?
<3 supersecretpasswordjournal