brain dump
you know, i've been meaning to write an entry in my physical diary for like a YEAR now.. i should do it. but theres alot of things i SHOULD do, isn't there? a never-ending to-do list of things ive put off for weeks, months, years that i havent closed the loop on. although i am proud of myself for paying off that library fee after like 3 years of having it unpaid, as well as renewing my library card itself. the guy who did it was really nice and had one of those soft voices that would be great for narrating a guided meditation or something.
my rooms a mess and i have to clean it, and i have to get the notes for the classes that i missed because old poppop had a kidney stone so i spent a good chunk of yesterday keeping my mom company in the emergency room. i wish i could do more, but i try and be continuously kind to myself and do what i can to the best of my ability. especially after being diagnosed because prioritizing & doing things is hard..
i just need to draw the line somewhere between laziness and rest, but does laziness even exist? and it's more like... FINDING that line instead of drawing it in the sand. "you don't make your boundaries, you just choose whether or not to communicate them" and all that..
i do really need to lessen my screen time and figure out some kind of weekly routine, but its hard. and part of me is a petulant child that just wants to lie down all day while yelling at myself for not getting anything done. such is the life of a girl with adhd i guess. SOMEONE in my life who i'm currently mad at & who also has it says to not "use it as an excuse". its really annoying to me when you explain to someone why xyz thing didn't get done and they take it as "making excuses".
i can't help but think of all the times people didn't see the huge iceberg behind the action that came up short and dismissed me because of it. i spent so much time feeling stupid or weird because i just didn't know... alhamdulillah for getting diagnosed.
anyways, im gonna go to the bathroom now
<3,
supersecretpasswordjournal